Professional coaching made me a better father. Heres how

Professional coaching made me a better fatherbei. Heres howProfessional coaching made me a better father. Heres howIn my career, Ive been privileged to coach people from many walks of life, from award-winning professional athletes to accomplished executives at Fortune 500 companies. Ive also built a business and authored several books. But without question, the most rewarding part of my life by far has been raising my two children.I dont think Im alone in feeling this way The majority of moms and dads see parenting as central to their identity and find it incredibly rewarding. Its no surprise then, to think that who we are as parents can inform the way we act at work, but often people dont realize how their work skills can impact their own homes. Its about establishing a framework that gives people even young children the safety and freedom they need to make their own decisions.Explain reality in a non-judgmental wayI have come to believe, with a passion, that the finest thing we can give a human is a safe place to explore their own thinking. We can do this by explaining reality in a non-judgmental way.I once worked with a woman who welches really passionate about our business. When someone did anything below her standards, she became so critical and judgmental that her colleagues refused to work with her. I finally had to meet with her to determine whether she could keep working with us.When we sat down, I didnt demand she change her behavior immediately. Instead, I explained what shed done, then asked which route she would prefer to figure out how we could help her get that behavior under control or to plan out how to find somewhere else to work.By clearly describing reality, she was able to take ownership of her decision. She ended up making the necessary changes and became a valuable contributor to our company.I had a similar experience with my son, Tim. He told me he wanted to quit the violin because he wasnt enjoying it and hated practicing. However, in order to remain in his current school, he had to play a musical instrument.I told Tim, I dont care if you play the violin I just care that youre learning and youre happy. And Im fine if you want to go to aelendlageher school, but if you want to say at this school with your friends, you have to play an instrument. Its okay if you choose something besides the violin, but if you do, youll be two years behind in that instrument. What would you prefer?Tim decided to stay at his school and stick with the violin.I have learned that by giving others a clear grasp of their reality and outlining their possible choices, we often help them point themselves toward the right outcome.Remove interference that keeps others from thrivingOnce we have given others a safe place to explore their own thinking, we have to make sure there arent any other interferences that keep them from being successful. As a tennis player and coach, Ive often seen that a players greatest interference is the voice insi de their head.I recently coached a college tennis player who was stressed because her coach was constantly reminding her of what she was doing wrong. When I met with her, I asked her to describe what she wanted to happen when she hit her forehand, and what was actually happening. As she hit balls with that in mind, her subconscious corrected her mistake just as the coach had instructed her to, simply because shed diverted her focus away from the worry about what she was doing wrong to what was actually happening.As parents, we watch our children struggle with similar mental interference. My daughter Kelly loved to play the piano not traditional classical music, but stuff like music from The Lord of the Rings, which she played constantly. Her piano teacher saw her promise and suggested she play classical music and start competing, which made her feel performance anxiety about an activity she previously enjoyed. She resisted and her teacher persisted until eventually, Kelly quit play ing the piano all together.Sometimes when we think we know whats right we impose our own ideas and fail to realize the interference it causes others to experience. Ultimately this creates even more interference that keeps others from thriving.Get rid of shouldGerman psychoanalyst Karen Horney had a phrase for the damage we do to ourselves and others when we overly emphasize what we believe is right, or what one should do She called it the tyranny of the should.As coaches, managers, and parents, we often try to impose our knowledge on others by telling them what they should do you should hit your forehand this way, or you should be nicer to your colleagues or you should play classical music if you want to excel in piano. I believe this is not only ineffective, but it is often harmful.People, especially children, are much smarter and more capable than we give them credit for. Instead of telling someone what they should do, we need to empower them to discover their own path to achieve success and lasting happiness. We do this when we help others understand their boundaries, get rid of debilitating shoulds, then give them the freedom to think and choose for themselves.Alan Fine, co-creator of the widely recognized GROW Model, is the founder and president of InsideOut Development. Alan is considered a pioneer of the modern coaching movement, and many of the worlds most respected organizations have adopted his InsideOut approach to performance improvement, including IBM, NASA, Honeywell, Gap, and Coca-Cola. Alan has dedicated the past 25 years to helping people from all walks of life elevate their performance and unlock their potential, including athletes such as Davis Cup tennis star Buster Mottram, record-breaking triathlete James Lawrence, and PGA golfers Phillip Price, David Feherty, Colin Montgomerie, and Stephen Ames.